Moses and pigs

So listen to this revelation I came up with and or was visited upon me due to boredom and excessive snow totals and yowling cats.
What if… Wait for it… What if Moses did not faithfully rewrite what God said to him about pork. Specifically, what if God said…

“Moses, thou and thou people shalt not eat pigs, nor boars, nor piglets, no guinea pigs nor anything pig named or sounding. And also thou shalt not ever suffer a video to play on the internet where someone pours a can of cola over a pork roast and worms crawl out of it… Got that, Moses?”

“Um yes, pigs, piglets, pork roasts.”
“Good,” says God. “Now, moving along to false idols and idolatry in general… Thou and thou people shalt…”

Now, as we know, when Moses talked to the people he left out the internet video part. We can’t really blame Moses, if that happened at all, of course, but for me and others it is a horror every time someone cooks pork now… I worry…

Was the pork cooked the correct amount of minuets? Hours? Days?

Does anybody really know what the time is?

Do I need meat so badly that I am willingly to eat meat that worms have taken up residence in?

Did all the worms die during cooking or did some make it through?

Did they evolve and now we need more heat or even something else to kill them?

Or, possibly, were they like my brother David F. Sweet and I, and did they build blanket forts over the registers and being thus protected were they then saved from heat stroke, or whatever killed all the other worms? And then, were those two living worms able to survive and infest me when I ate pork? … …

I only know that it could be… If only Moses had remembered to include the internet warning… I would still be infected, maybe, possibly, but I wouldn’t know it…. Oh the horror… The horror…

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